Another way

So, here I am and I have missed my blog.  Have been so busy with school and the stress of not working.  I am finding that my mind goes 90 miles a minute trying to re-invent myself and being scared to death that I do not have the skills necessary to re-enter the work force.  Let's see, I am a bit fluffy these days and out of shape and I don't like working for others because I have done it my way for sooo long, (thank you, Frank), but there has to be something out there for a woman who has determination, creativity, compassion and longing to be the best at whatever she does, just not at being fluffy.  My eating habits have slowed greatly and I find myself making better choices.  I love my fruit in the morning with a protein and the more salad the better.  I have recently re connected with one of my aunts and I am very happy about that.  Family can be hard but there are so many memories and shared experiences and I am of the belief family is family.  Find a common ground and build from it.  Politics and Religion is not the only thing there is to talk about and sometimes you just have to agree to disagree.  She is teaching me about things that have been important to me but have recently really decided time to implement into my life.  Our garbage disposal broke and I do not miss it because the waste can go into a composter.  What a way to reuse and not contribute more to the dumps.  Seriously trying to be more earth friendly and that is not a political stance, that is being mindful of our environment.  Takes time to not be wasteful and have even begun to try to not buy new for at least the next 3 months, buy all local fruits and veggies (do that now) but also my meats as well.  Be mindful of what I already have and try to reduce my trash by half.  Trying to rid myself of waste and be of the mind set that less is more.   So, with that said...I also need more sleep because my research paper is about how productive college students are with more sleep.  What better test subject than myself.

Sorry I have not blogged.  School started September 13th and it has been a crazy roller-coaster ever since.  Been doing pretty well with my food.  A few slips here and there and have noticed pepsi and soda are just too sweet for me right now.  I take a drink and throw the rest away.  Been eating fruit and protein in the morning.  Helps with my concentration. 
  The seats are soo small in the classrooms and it reminds me just how over weight I am.  I look around at the younger people who slide into their desks with such ease; I wanna do that.
  Today my gram died.  She was 95 years.  I do not say this for the, "I'm sorry's", because well, lets face it, she is in heaven reunited with all of the ones who went before her including my pop, her sweetheart.   Please don't say sorry because I know the Lord told her "well done, good and faithful servant".  I only hope I am as with it when and if I reach 95.  Time to go get my piano, the one she taught me how to play on.  Now, I will start teaching Aimee on it.
  Today I realized that I am getting older.  Yes, I said it and you can take your hand from your face.  Older is ok, as long as we pay it some homage.  The experiences, the heartbreaks, the joys, and the sorrows, only come from living and learning along the way.  We have  had so many experiences and adventures and I am looking forward to many more.  My food, well, will have to take a backseat  because it's time to start new with myself. 


Got this great website from my friend, Susan.  Read it and let me know how you make like it.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/07/29/foods-that-keep-you-thin.aspx?e_cid=20110729_DNL_art_1

Love you all

Hello Me. How are you doing?

Hello, and I hope everyone is having a good week.  I am excited to write today, why?  Thought you would never ask.  I have been experimenting this week or should I say the last month to see some of my triggers to food.  What makes me want to eat more, snack when I do not need it?  Me!!
  About 5 weeks ago, my close friend, Annalise called and said, "hey, let's have a spa party.  I will bring everything and you invite whoever you want."  I thought about it and decided, why not.  We had so much fun.  I remembered how much fun it is be to be a girl, a woman so, I started not only applying my make-up (which I always do the base) but, I started wearing mascara and eye liners again.  I even started painting my finger nails too.  After my shower this afternoon,  Aimee came in and asked where I was going.  I was  putting on mascara and eyeliner because I could not bring myself to walk away from the counter without it, so, on it went.  I looked at me and I liked what I saw and then had to come write about it.  Self image is so very important.  I don't do my make-up or my hair for my hubby, I do it for me.  I walk straighter, I smile bigger and I feel better about myself when I pamper myself.  With that, it benefits my hubby and our relationship because I feel good about myself, he feels good coming home to a wife who is secure in herself.   I also find that I do not need junk food but rather that slice of honey dew or apple looks better than junk food.  That glass of unsweetened ice tea is more refreshing than a pepsi.  When YOU look in the mirror, who do you see?  I know I have asked that question but, it seems so much more important to me today than it did yesterday.  Are you bored?  I was today but when I got up off the couch, FINALLY!!!!!  I felt so much better stepping out of the shower and taking the time to look my best today.  I also found my daughter smiled really big at me because, well, I AM her Role Model and she could tell I felt my best.  She takes her ques from me.  I am scared right now, every day since I closed down my daycare.  I am scared of the next fork in the road and where it will lead me and my family but, if I do not try, if I do not decide to open myself up to the possibilities of greatness in my life and that I DO have something to offer, I will live with regret and regret is hard to swallow.
  So, I ask you, those who are reading this and taking this journey with me, encouraging me, what will you change today that will help you feel better about yourself?  I have found, people treat you the way you treat yourself and the way you value yourself.  I do not mean be pompous and vain, but feel good about yourself, hold your head high, smile at everyone who passes by, look in the mirror and if you do not like what you see...Change it.  You deserve it.

Goals

Goals, goals are such a necessity in life.  My goal at this moment is to rid my palette of those menacing otter pops that plague me so.  So according to dictionary and Wikipedia, the definition of a goal is:
goal or objective is a desired result a person or a system envisions, plans and commits to achieve—a personal or organizational desired end-point in some sort of assumed development. Many people endeavor to reach goals within a finite time by setting deadlines. 
  So here is my problem.  I am a chronic procrastinator and now, almost at the age of 39, I have decided to make it my goal to NOT be a procrastinator any more, so, where do I go from here?  I know that, A) I must committ to making good grades this quarter and fulfilling my comittment to my studies.  B) clean my house when I say I will.  C) commit to the goal of putting down those otter pops and walk away.  D) set the goal to be healthier, more dedicated to myself and to my family and finally E) know that I am worth reconnecting with the real thinner me.  Been a while since we chatted but I think it can be done, NO, I know it can be done because only I stand in my way.  Sleep is the other big commitment and goal I need to set.  I need to make it a priority to sleep more that 4 hrs. a night.  Lack of sleep gets in the way of success and other wonderful things.  I have a book to write, a voice that needs to be retrained and the ability to slap laziness down to it's knees.  Now, I need me to stand up, strap on that pack and away I go.  I know there is more but it will just have to wait until the next blog.
  As always, working towards a better me.   

It's time

Time to blog, time to evaluate a new course, time to let go of past insecurities and develop a present state of mind.  It's time!
  We had foreign exchange students here from Wakayama Japan last week.  We were so busy going, going, going and it was fun.  I loved their ambition to learn our culture.  Their eagerness to learn our language and their wanting of a connection to us as a family to become apart of theirs.  We did and it was fantastic.  Wakayama, Japan is our sister city and every year we have a cultural exchangeof students.  These students come to Bakersfield and live with a host family.  We have never met before and all I can think is, "I will treat them as if they are my own, just as I would want a family in Japan to treat my child", and it was easy.  Sayuka, Sayuna and Fuka were so easy to love, so easy to just enjoy and we loved showing them our favorite places.  We went bowling, to the beach, ate clam chowder and fish and chips.  Introduced them to salt water taffy and our beaches with sand(theirs are rocky and not sandy).  I miss them so very much and when I think of them, as I am now, I cry just a bit because they have won over a part of my heart.  Each girl is so very beautiful in her own way.  They each call me their American mom, Chris, dad, Aimee their sister and Alex their brother who teases... I learned from them this summer.  I learned that the past is the past.  Learn from it and move on.  Prejudice is not welcome here.  I learned that the Android phone has a helluva translator and am thankful for it.  Although sometimes they laughed if my slang was used and it came out funky.  I learned love is given and received if your heart is open to it.  I learned that using chopsticks to eat cereal slows you way down eating but it CAN be done.  I learned soo much.
  How did this help my weight loss challenge?  I liked how they made me like myself more.  Their hugs, their smiles, their joy was all wonderful and I wanted to get out and do more, even more with Aimee and Alex.  I want to experience more of this life and I want my kids to experience more culture.  I loved how they treated my daughter and just wanted to be with her.  It's time to look at the person, not the shell.  Sometimes the shell gets worn and ugly but all it needs is tender loving care and a good shine up and we can be as good as new.  Tender loving care.  It's time to enjoy the little things no matter how small.  Wow, is it time.

Hello, are you there Case, it's me, God

Well, I awoke to the phone ringing at 5:13 a.m.  My heart stuck in my throat just a bit as I called the number back and heard the love of my life in pain.  His chest hurt and he wasn't sure what was going on.  I abruptly woke our 18 yr. old out of his peaceful sleep to go get my sweety so he could drive the car home.  When we pulled over, because Chris felt sick, I noticed just how pale and clammy he felt.  I immediately made him get back into the car and we went to the hospital just down the road.  All I could think was, "did we screw up ourselves so much that we have sacrificed our future?"  Fortunately for us, I began to just cry when the doctor said he appeared to have some inflammation in the chest that irritated and made him sick.  He is ok, but, was that the Lord saying, "hello, heed my warning?"  I do believe so.  I have watched lately as our closest friends have gotten back to getting their health into a priority and the awesome weight loss and how great they both feel. 
  Cleaned out the fridge.  Will be cleaning out the pantry next and next cleaning out our bodies.  Chris, the kids and I are going to go on a detox that is healthy and great for us so that we can start to eliminate the garbage we do not need.  What does it take to understand our bodies are our temples?  I truly hope we get it now because next time well, I do not want to think about it.

Getting back my mojo cause it was lost.

Have not written in awhile.  Decided to care for some children whose DC provider was on vacation.  Led me back to a lot of old habits I do not like.  I am used to eating when I am hungry, light snack, salad, making dinner and having it on the table by 5pm but this week just threw it all off.  We were back to eating at 7pm and I found my stamina was gone.  Don't get me wrong, I love working with the kids.  I love the hugs and watching them play but working in my home with children is not for me any longer.  I do have 2 children I watch occassionally that are a blast and just fit in with us but it is not all the time.
  So, with all that said, does this mean having a job or career that is not fulfilling or does not make you want to jump out of bed every day cause the bad habits to resurface?  I am curious.  This weekend, Chris and I have been lethargic, tired and lacking any energy.  I have forced myself up and out the door to water and garden a little bit, but, I know I have to get back into the swing of things.  Food is my comfort, and a pint of Baskin Robbins Pistachio Almond sounds so wonderful but my body needs a salad and a slice of watermelon more.
  My challenge to myself and to those who are so awesome to share my thoughts with me is this; are you happy?  Does your daily life reflect who you are and what you want out of this life?  Do you look in the mirror and see someone with regrets or do you see someone you like and want to continue growing and getting better day by day?  I know the Lord has plans for me, fantastic plans filled with abundant blessings but he needs me to rise to the occasion and become who I am meant to be.
Share your thoughts with me.
P.S.  My friend , Susan, sent this to me and I do agree with it.  I love apples with cinnamon sprinkeld on them and pears too.  Almonds are just awesome, not to mention, my fave snack in cucumbers and hummus.  Enjoy!
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/07/29/foods-that-keep-you-thin.aspx?e_cid=20110729_DNL_art_1

A habit in need of tweeking

  I was so amped today after my calls to Target that I cleaned house.  I cleaned out the buffet in the dining room of all the linens not used, cleaned out the drawers, washed 3 loads of laundry and realized the bar  was empty.  I was not panicked that I had to clean it off, it was just empty.  For those of you who know me, I am a pack rat when it comes to the bar, but, these days, it rarely has anything on it, so, anyway, I put the clean laundry on the clean bar and proceeded to fold the laundry.  I put on the Sirius radio and stood at the counter and folded clothes.  I liked that a lot better because I was moving around, singing, humming, enjoying whatever popped in my head.  The coffee table is not littered with clean laundry, the counter is, but was quickly put away.  Why?  Because I was already up and moving.  Made me feel good.
  There is one more habit I am changing.

Here I go again

  Well, after a stressful morning of explaining to Target, yes I did pay my credit card bill...IN FULL and have a receipt, I have an enormous headache, so I went into the office cave and decided to write.  I saw a Nestle water commercial that really concerned me and gave me cause for concern.  Kids are playing sports and the coach gives the kids a sports drink, which yes, I do know they are sugary but their is reason for them, The coach tells the kids they are losing WATER, the kid says well if we are losing water, why not give us water?  The coach takes the water away and replaces with Nestle water.  Irrespnsible advertising after all the kids, even a few here in Bako that we have lost because of too much water during practice and no electrolytes.  I called Nestle.  I hope to hear or see the commercials and their marketing change on this matter.
  I also read an article from SELF magazine about the 3 veggies with the least nutrition.  #1 was celery.  # 2, cucumbers and #3, iceberg lettuce.  I don't know about you but, these are veggies that are crunchy and I eat instead of potatoe chips now.  Iceberg is my replacement for bread.  Nothin like Thai chicken wraps.  Why does it seem there has to be so much negativity in our society?  Now we're pickin on the healthy food too? Well, I like these foods and pair them with the more nutritious veggies their just as good. 
here is a website sent to me by my friend Susan, check it out:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/07/13/is-your-food-making-you-old-by-ori-hofmekler.aspx

The best foods that fill you up and boost your metabolism and shed pounds

Health; what is it?

Getting healthy is more than just exercising and eating right.  Getting healthy is about facing yourself every day and liking who you see in the mirror.  According to Merriam/ Webster dictionary,       "health is:

a : the condition of being sound in body, mind, or spirit; especially : freedom from physical disease or pain b : the general condition of the body <in poor health> <enjoys good health>

  I realized today that I really do like myself, so if that is true, don't I deserve the healthiest body possible?  You better believe it.  How am I changing my habits?  Well, I park farther away as often as possible.  I tried a Dr. Pepper yesterday and it made me sick, so, I made a gallon of passion iced tea decaffeinated, no sugar, no sweeteners.  Cut out sugary drinks, even with the fake sweeteners.  Stay out of the middle aisles of the grocery store; they are toxic.  Eat less salt.  These are some of the things I am doing.  Today I ate herb roasted chicken and broccoli.  I had some au gratin potatoes, but, I believe that was the last of them to be seen for awhile.  I also had 2 riblets that I bbq'ed and a yummy salad and a nice big slice of watermelon to curb that want of sweets.  I even like the watermelon just a bit frozen if I want something really cold.
  Refined sugar is the hardest thing for me to cut out.  I know that if I want to be successful I have to find ways to curb my want of sweets, and yet, not always deny myself.  What do I want from myself?  I want...I want health.  Healthy body, healthy mind and healthy soul.
  Here's to heath!!!

what's in my food?

  Organic is a word used so often today.  We have organic produce, honey, make-up, the list goes on and on but what is organic?  About four years ago, our good friends, The Petersons introduced us to Abundant Harvest Organics.  The fruits and vegetable are picked the week days before you receive them on Saturday morning.  The process is simple.  You pay the deposit for the crate, small or large, that you get the produce in and return weekl;y for a new one.  How do you pay?  Simple, by credit or your debit and it is a weekly reoccurring charge.  The produce changes weekly because whatever is in season or is being picked is what you get.  This morning I picked up my large basket and had a beautiful watermelon, plums, potatoes, lettuce, carrots, beets, squash, chocolate mint, and beautiful tomatoes.  Now, what I have found is how much sweeter and more delicious the food is.  The corn, tomatoes and even carrots  is wonderfully sweet.  The lettuce is gritty with dirt or actually mud because it WAS just picked.  Organic is not using harmful pesticides on your food, not waxing the cucumbers, apples and other produce that you consume and this does mean it might spoil faster but wouldn't you rather know that food is what nature and God intended it to be; healthy? 
  Now what I have found is that by cleaning and washing my lettuce when I get it home and making it into a salad in a big tupperware container with just the basics like shredded carrots and red cabbage, I have a great base for an incredible salad and I am now more likely to eat that even for a snack.  I am also realizing that if I really need sweets, well, I just need to make it myself. 
  Yesterday, I made mini cinnamon rolls for a spa party with the girls.  That was SOOO much fun and I have missed my girls.  I ate 2 1/2 mini rolls but before the party I had a wonderful stuffed pork loin stuffed with low moisture Parmesan, garlic and basil served with salad and pasta.  By eating a sensible meal before the party, I did not pig out. 
  How do you feel about food and why?  Is it your midnight buddy when you cannot sleep, can you not sleep because you just pigged out at dinner?  Did you have McDonalds and let's face it peeps, that stuff does not mold or change for months now that is preservation.  Think about what goes into your bodies and if the food that enters your body is toxic how does that effect your mind? 
  If your reading this, good eats to you.  I will have some websites to post for research on nutrition, one being coconut oil, which I love for a moisturizer on my arms and legs.  Wow has it made a difference.  Before you take your next bite, ask yourself, "what am I putting into my body?"

Amazement is un-deniable

Thank you!!  From the bottom of my heart, thanks.  I guess what I can do now is really throw the hat in the ring and let it rip now.  I'm not proud and will confess that todays meals consisted of 3 pieces of pizza(they were very small, I promise), 16 otter pops and  IN-N-Out burger and fries.  Yes, 16 otter pops@25 calories a piece, yeah, you do the math.  All in all I actually stayed under 2000 calories, just not good calories. 
  Tomorrow will start with a fruit and veggie smoothie a nice brisk 2 mile walk and then a slice of Ezekiel toast with a poached egg.  I do have time on my hands currently but hopefully I will stick to the change when school does start.  I also have found that what I read is good for my soul, well, I've always known that but I find that a good book is good for me.  Currently reading Suzie Ormans' The Money Class, and I really like what she says, "The truth will indeed set you free.  "Stand in your Truth' is the most important class I have to teach, for it is only when we turn inward and locate what is right and true for us that we begin to move forward toward creating our new dreams(Orman, The Money Class, p.26)".  I have dreams and not until I find my truth will my dreams truly start to materialize before me.  The Lord has a plan for me, but, it is me who has to do the work.

Here's to hard work and perseverance.

A precursor for what is to come

  So, today I woke up tired and unsatisfied with myself.  I look in the mirror and I see a story of a life that has been generously blessed but a future full of sabotage; sabotage because if the weight I have managed to pack on over the last 15 years does not start coming off, I won’t be here to enjoy it.  I have spent the last month cleaning out rooms in my house like the daycare room.  After 11 years in business I have closed down my daycare and maybe I am in a bit of a depression because of it but, I need to pull myself up and get ready for the next phase in my life. 

  I put on the desk top of the computer a picture of our family at Alexander’s graduation.  I have dreaded and looked forward to that day for many years and it came and the experience was wonderful but I look at the picture and see how heavy I have become and how heavy my sweetheart has become and I fear for our children.  Children have a tendency to become their parents because that is the lifestyle they have become accustomed to.  I am determined to break the mold here and now.

  Starting on July 15, 2011, I will begin to post everything I eat.  Yes, everything because maybe on paper I will be more determined to shed these pounds if it is on paper.  I will document with photos, graphs, excerpts from books I find helpful, and in no way is this a diet, this will be a lifestyle change.  Eating and becoming obese is a psychological problem as well as a physiological problem because food is a comfort, a friend to pass the time and it won’t be easy.  It has taken me 15 years to get to where I am at and I know it will take time to change the way I think about food and about myself.  Don’t get me wrong, I love ME, but I have managed to not be good to myself and that is about to change.  I want to become like the butterflies I would buy at Insect Lore, fat roly poly worms who transform into beautiful butterflies.

  Along with this, I will post my recipes.  I have a tendency to create and am not real big on recipes so, I will try to be a little better about this. 

  I am excited.  I am excited because I hope this will clear my head to be a better writer and hopefully, those out there who feel as I do will know we are not alone.