Not the Biggest Loser, but working on it!!

So, Have not blogged since last weds.  So much to say and write about.  Have had an adventure and have seen and met a lot of people so sit back, take a deep breath and I hope you enjoy my adventure.
  Thursday morning was the start of 5 days of non-stop go!  I graduated from the Kern County Network for Children's Leadership class.  That was an honor and privilege to be a part of.  Sheriff Youngblood was there, heads of departments were there and my mom was there.  It felt good to be a part of something so fulfilling and gave me a lot of confidence to be better and to achieve a higher standard in my pursuits to a new career.  Thursday night, Chris graduated from Associated Builders and Contractors from Crane school.  Dinner was amazing, Filet Mignon, potatoes and asparagus with salad.  Chris talked with Supervisor Goh and Assemblywoman Shannon Grove.  We made new friends at our table and the evening was great.
  Friday was interesting.  Because the last few days were hectic, I did not go to bed Thursday night and paid for it dearly Friday.  Mom-in-law, Jordyn, James(her boyfriend) Aimee and myself, packed up the Sequoia and set out for San Diego for a family reunion with Chris' family.  Absent were Chris, Alex and Pop, all of the Knaak men.  I missed them terribly because after all, this is my hubbys family and many he had not met or had not seen in many years.  His cousin, Annameik and her 2 adorable daughters were there from Holland.  Funny, we see her more than relatives that only live 6 hours away.  Chris' cousin Thayer was an Arizona state senator, his cousin John, was in the original Red Dawn with Patrick Swayze.  Both men, fun to meet and get to know.  Draw back to weekend; horrible hotel, and I mean one of the worst I have ever stayed in.  Comfort Inn on Hotel Circle South, please avoid, smelled like mildew and you had to step into the tub to close the door to the bathroom.
  Many of you may want to ask, "what about Biggest Loser, how did it go?  Are you on?"  Unfortunately, no, did not get a call back, but made 3 new friends, stood behind a man that graduated from South High in 1987 and now lives in San Diego and met a couple who were just amazing and I look forward to getting to know further.  They had an amazing story to tell about their life together and meeting them made the 5 hours in line go by very fast.  I did not get the call back but I did realize that my life has taken a change and I do believe for the better.  It has been a hard two years and I know it has been hard for several people, but I have learned a lot about myself and what I am capable of and I do believe that with hardship comes education; about yourself and about what one is capable of doing when faced with adversity.  Our country is in turmoil and jobs are scarce so I believe we have to get inventive and make a place for ourselves.  I am excited about the change that is occurring in me and within my family.  I believe we have laid some very positive groundwork for the next phase in our lives.  I am all for change and have found that I actually crave it more than I thought.
  Today, I am unpacking, doing laundry and canning fresh peaches for winter, but want to leave words from President Kennedy: "And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country." And I would take that to a smaller scale as well, What can you do for your county, get involved volunteering and to say you have no time, no time to give back to the community you live in, there is ALWAYS time.  Even if only 1 hour a week, there is time.  With that said, time to move my body this morning, time to get busy with my day and be productive and give of myself and to be good to myself.  I am so worth the work and so are each of you.  Look in that mirror and if you do not like what you see, please, change it til you do.

Hello Wednesday

  Wow, it's Wednesday already.  Made roasted chicken leg quarters last night with a garlic and herb marinade.  Very good.  Had an ice cream bar afterward and could only eat half of it. That is completely unlike me but I found it was too much.  Saturday is closer and closer and I am getting more and more excited with each passing day.  I want to look for a job, but when I do, I just look, I stare at the screen like it does not fit in my life right now.  I pray each and every day that I am doing the right thing going to San Diego and going for this reality show, I mean there are only 14 on it and thousands go for it?  Oh yeah, no pressure, no pressure at all.  What I do know is that I am worth this opportunity, I am worth the effort to be a participant, to change my life and who I want to be. 

  So, I am getting ready for the task, getting my mind ready for the judges on Saturday, getting ready to blow their minds with my sass, my confidence and with my positive attitude that I could make this coming season the best ever.  Heck, I would tune in to watch me cry, get ticked off, enjoy my triumphs, see if I can keep my tongue, I want to to be there, so, prayers this week, prayers this weekend because I am ready.  Now pray I endure the crowd.

Good Morning!!!!!!!!!!!

  Chris woke up this morning for work around 3am like he usually does and for some reason, after only 4 hours asleep, I was up with him.  We chatted, I kissed him good morning as he left to start his day and I walked outside with him to close the gate to the driveway.  The air had a hint of rain to it, cool, inviting, just daring me to get moving with my day.  I am up, I am loving having the windows open and having a yummy breakfast of an egg and toast with a glass of O.J. It dawned on me just how much I could get done today.  A walk not inside the confines of the mall, but outside where it is breezy, I can hear the birds singing to one another, wow, are we still in Kansas, Toto?
  I prayed last night, I prayed for clarity, I prayed for my ankle to get better and I prayed to find a way to be innovative.  I have clarity on this beautiful morning, my ankle is sore but so much better, and I am seeing ideas to be innovative.  I know that when the Lord closes one door, another is there ready to open.  Sometimes we have to knock a few times to get it open and sometimes we are the ones with the key in our possession and it is up to us to unlock the door, whatever the case may be, It's there; hope, light, promise of things yet to come, creativity, and a lot of hard work.  Nothing is handed to us because if it was, it wouldn't be worth it.  I am ready to sweat, ready to break a few nails, ready to cry because I can't take another step and all because the pay-off will only be that much sweeter, that much more rewarding.
  When you pour your coffee this morning, breathe in the aroma, enjoy and savor the pick-me-up it offers a little more.  Savor that good morning kiss to your sweetheart, linger in your childs bedroom door way for a moment longer before waking them and enjoy that peacefulness and when you do wake them from their slumber, hug them tightly, kiss them, and remember the joy of holding them in your arms for the first time.  This is a day to really enjoy, treasure, because after all, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Monday, and Saturday is coming...

  So for the few of you wonderful people who read what I have to say, thank you.  I have told many I am going to audition, try-out or whatever it is you do to get onto the Biggest Loser.  I was going to L.A., but decided I would go while I am in San Diego.  I have downloaded the application and I think the questions are harder than the work outs look.  I am nervous, I am scared, but most of all, I am ready to change my life, I am ready to rediscover that healthier girl, woman, who loves sports like volleyball, softball and tennis.  I want to run a marathon even if I come in last, I want to park out in BFE land and walk without giving it a second thought.  I want so bad to be ME again.  I am not this fat girl I see, and I know many would be offended, but I called me fat, not anyone else.  I see fat when I look at my body and this much fat is NOT healthy and I do not see it as beautiful.  I want to wear the cute clothes and show my arms again, I need to be healthy, I need to be a role model for my children and show them that healthy is good, I want to be a role model to friends who think they cannot do it, and I  want desperately to advocate that exercise and physical activity are the key components to battling childhood obesity.  Food is very important too, but without the staying physically fit, without moving the body, your not keeping your body active.  We played video games growing up, we just played them standing up.  Today, I started out with a cup of cereal and a cup of milk.  For lunch I will have a protein shake with mixed berries that is really yummy and gives me lots of energy.  Cleaning house today, doing laundry, cleaning out rooms; de-cluttering my life as best as I can.  Dinner tonight; broiled fish with lemon and dill, new potatoes and salad.  Keep in your prayers, thoughts, whatever it is you do, my friends, I appreciate it and each of you will be in my prayers, fo a happier, healthier life and that if I get onto the Biggest Loser, you will follow along with me and we will keep each other accountable after all, life is about good friends, family, and living life to it's fullest.  God Bless.

So, I have not been as consistent as I should be in writing my blog, but I am finding out a lot about myself and really want to share my thoughts.  I find myself at this current time to be idle and I do not like it.  No matter how many times I say I can't wait to have time to do nothing, I hate it.  This summer has been spent at home, inside my box cleaning out rooms and contemplating my next move but the problem is, I do not know what my next move is.  I complete my Bachelors degree in the winter of 2013 and next week I will be auditioning for the Biggest Loser, but I do not know of my plans beyond that. 
  I have been walking MWF with friends at our local mall.  We walk, talk, strategize and just get to know one another while walking and working to better our physiques.  I am sore, but its a kind of sore that lets you know, "oh it has been too long since I used that body part properly".  My sleep pattern is off and I know that impedes ones ability to shed pounds as well, so that is a habit I must work on to help myself, but I keep asking myself, "what do you want to do, what is your five year plan, where do you go from here and how is all that time at school going to help you out in future endeavors"?  I am not sure yet.  I turn 40 this September and I pray daily for clarity as to what do I want to do when I grow up?  It seems my husband has found clarity, he has found something he enjoys, but what happened to my path?  I love writing, I have so many thoughts and ideas and I cannot seem to organize them into the folders they need to be in so that I have organization of my thoughts.  I tend to go all over the place and that is not good for an aspiring writer, so, I sit here with my mind crowded and ready to burst at the seams with ideas, with stories, with knowledge, and with life lessons only learned from experiencing them. 
  With all of this thinking, with all of this writing and with all of this ability to be and do more, maybe it should be time to get to it?  Here lies the problem and where I find the solution.

1. value myself more.  I am worth it
2. listen more, talk less, write continuously
3. change is inevitable, look for it, watch for it and do not hide from it
4. surround myself more with like-minded people.  You grow when you are held accountable to those who expect more from you.

Those are my four epiphany's for the day.