When reality pays a visit

Emotions are a funny thing.  Some of us hear bad news and go straight to 'fix it' mode then, when all seems to be doing ok, break down.  Not me.  I break down, lose it, cry, yell, cuss, whatever one does in crisis.  I know it's bad because my lower back tenses up and starts to spasm and I get sick to my stomach.

Arriving at the hospital and hearing that Alex was paralyzed was a shock and I was about to break.  My husband, Chris, is my opposite.  He holds it together initially, which makes us a perfect team because shit was about to become very real very fast.
When the surgeon came in, he was talking but I am still not sure what it was he said.  Words like spinal bleed, stroke, hemorrhage were all said but I had trouble comprehending.  I felt that tightness in my back suddenly and the look on Chris' face told me this was no joke and very real.  Our child was laying on that gurney, hurting, in pain and there was not a damn thing I could do about it.  "Daddy, can you make them take my pain away", I heard between clenched teeth but in a whisper.  My heart dropped and my husbands face, oh how I hated to see the sadness on his face, but reality had shown up and it was not kind.  A spinal decompression needed to be performed and it would take up to five hours.  Alex was given medication that seemed to ease the pain in his arms and shoulders and we were on our way to surgery.
As the nurse wheeled Alex into pre-op,  Jason, one of Alexs' closest friends showed up to sit with us.  "Mom, can you play 'Dreams' for me?"  His voice reawakened the mom in me when he was a little boy, sick and in need of comfort.  Power Rangers movie was his fave and Van Halen became one of his favorite bands.  I found the video on YouTube with the Blue Angel's and laid the phone next to his ear.  Part of me at that moment knew some dreams were not to be now, part of me felt he was having  so much just f***ING ripped away from him.  I wanted to scream and punch anything but knew I had to make this better for him, some how, some way.  He listened to that song, at least six times, until they came to take him to surgery and as they took my sweet boy through the double doors into surgery and I watched him being wheeled away from us, I placed my hands on my hips and hung my head and cried.

As we walked down the long hallway on the third floor heading to the surgical waiting room, the hospital was eerily quiet.  No one was around and as I checked my phone, realized it was almost 2am.  There was a TV in the corner playing an infomercial and magazines littered the tables.  The chairs were hard and uncomfortable, but the smell was sterile and although it was 91 degrees outside, I was cold in that room.  How many families had sat in this room just as we were doing right then, waiting for a loved one and praying the doctor would come through those doors and say all was OK.  I can only imagine.  As I sat in the chair, Chris sat next to me, eyes now bloodshot as they do when he is weary and worried, eyes a glassy green.  He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, one hand on my leg, almost for comfort.  Being a truck driver and working in the oil fields for 15 years, he had learned to get sleep where he could and suddenly a soft snore was heard.  Jason had made a spot in the corner with 2 chairs and had his feet up watching a video on his phone.
I had stood to walk around when I heard my phone buzzing with a text message.  My friend, Terran, was up and wanted to know if we wanted food.  I was suddenly aware that I was very hungry and said yes.  I met her downstairs and the best thing she brought with her was a hug.  The food took away the hunger but that hug gave me new strength.  We chatted for a bit, said our goodbyes and she gave me one more comforting hug and walked back out into the warm July air.
  As we ate the food, watching an infomercial, I became sleepy and when I woke, the sun was dawning.  Dr. Serxer came in, sat down wth his leg crossed and delivered the news.  Alex was paralyzed from the chest down from a spontaneous spinal bleed and why, well, that question may never be answered but this was just the beginning of a very long road.  As I listened to his words, as I looked around at Chris and at Jason, all I wanted to do was get to my son.

In the wink of an eye....

   Journeys are interesting.  You have heard the saying that it is not about the destination but about the journey?  Yeah, me too.  Sometimes the journey can really suck.  Sometimes we come to not only a dip but a damn crater right in the middle of our road and the only way to get around is to just plow right through it.  Life was about to turn on a dime and drastically change in the wink of an eye and there was nothing to stop it.

  This past summer, my 23 year old son experienced that crater; our family experienced the crater.  Sitting in the guard shack at work, filling out his end of the day paperwork, my son, Alex, suddenly had some back pain that intensified.  It caused enough of a worry that he phoned his father and I while vacationing down in Carlsbad for the weekend with his younger sister.  When I picked up the phone around 7:15 am, no parent knows what to expect at the other end of a call.  For me, a call from Alex at 7:15 was not unusual.  He worked as a security guard from midnight to 8am, so I thought nothing of it.  He told me his back hurt and he was uncomfortable.  Upper back pain around the shoulders was not unusual for him, so I told him to call his uncle since I could not help him being 5 hours away.  When I called him back he was being loaded up into an ambulance.  He could not feel from his chest down.  I stared at the phone as the ambulance driver from Halls Ambulance asked where he should be taken.  I calmly told them Memorial hospital and told Alex I would call his uncle.  My brother, Beau, agreed to meet the ambulance at the hospital and find out what was going on.  We were in Carlsbad because, Aimee, our daughter, had to be off the Camp Pendleton base for 48 hours in between Devil Pup camps since she was serving as an Eagle.  She could not be left and I did not want to take her home.  I was a bit frantic.  I experienced four different emotions almost instantly; anger, sadness, disgust and worry and neither was agreeing with the other.  My husband and I just stared at one another in a state of shock.  What the hell was going on and what do we do?
 
  We sent Aimee and her best friend, Dani, out to the pool for a little bit so we could gather our thoughts and calm our nerves enough make some rational decisions and think through what needed to happen next.  I had to figure out if this was serious or had he just thrown his back out.  My husband was showered and we were looking for train tickets to get him home as fast as possible.  I was still not sure so I went to take a shower.  As I stood there with the hot water trickling over my neck and shoulders, a panic set in.  "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU????  HE IS SCARED AND YOU ARE NOT THERE!!  GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THIS SHOWER AND GET HOME!!!" When I got out of the shower, I told Chris to pack it all, we were going home and after the call with my brother, I knew there was something really wrong.  Alex was in a lot of pain.  When I called him, we talked briefly and he made it very clear that his sister was NOT to come home.  He wanted to see her but he wanted her to stay and finish out her commitment to the Devil Pups.  This was important to her and therefore important to him as well.  I truly admire their relationship.  With that said, I called the only person I knew to call, Mr. Taylor, head of Kern County Devil Pups to get his advice.  He called one of the parents of another Eagle in our group and she graciously took Aimee under her wing and told us to not worry about her, she had this and would make sure Aimee was back on base the next day with her son.  She was amazing and we are forever in her debt for taking our daughter and caring for her while we could not. So, we dropped her off in Oceanside and got back on the 5 North which, of course was bumper to bumper traffic.  The drive was truly a pain in the ass.  I just wanted the freeway to divide down the middle and let me pass but of course, when there is urgency, Murphy's Law takes over; what can go wrong, will.

  When we finally pulled off the freeway to our house to drop off Dani, it was almost six hours later and I knew from the conversation with my brother that Alex was still in a lot pain and there were still no answers except that we knew it was not a stroke.  I was relieved.  Chris, my husband, and I thought that would be the worst, little did we know.
 Arriving at the hospital, we found my mom, brother, niece and her family waiting for Alex to come back from the MRI.  The wait was uncomfortable.  The smells in a hospital, the sounds, are at times nauseating.  Sitting in hard plastic chairs, tired, hungry and worried, we waited until an hour later when  we saw the gurney rolling towards us with two EMT's from the ambulance service pushing him.  We waited as they rolled him into the little room behind a curtain and set the brake on the gurney.  "Hi mom", he said with pain in his voice.  "Hi sweetheart", we both said back.  Looking at him, I pushed the hair away from his forehead and kissed his brow.  "I hurt, mom, and I just.......I just want the pain to STOP!!" he said wincing as the pain in his shoulders and arms intensified.  He looked pale and I was now scared.  Looking at my husband as he kissed Alex's brow, I saw the worry on his face as well.  The neuro-surgeon walked in just moments later with the MRI and introduced himself as Dr. Serxner.  Chris and I held our breath for what seemed like for forever and then the punch came.  Dr. Serxner gave the scenarios; a bleed in the spine, a tear, and others I do not recall now, but all were awful and all had the same outcome; Alex was paralyzed.  He explained that he would be performing a spinal decompression on Alex and the surgery would take up to five hours.  At this time, one of Alex's best friends, Jason, showed up.  We were on our way upstairs and Alex was about to have a very serious surgery.  Day ONE had come to a close.  Day ONE was just the beginning and I wanted to scream, I wanted to punch something and I wanted to wake up and end this nightmare.

Debt 101: Where to start

So, let’s talk debt.  My biggest pet peeve next to poor manners is debt.  I abhor debt because it means I have managed to manage my money poorly and someone else is going to make a profit from my poor decision making skills.  So, how do I eliminate this debt, how do I manage to make this debt go away in the quickest and easiest (LOL, I cannot believe I used easy because this is anything but easy) way possible to get out of this little predinky dink?  My hubby and I have read all the books, or at least he has and then has verbally regurgitated it all back to me, and we understand the procedures that Mr. Ramsay, Mr. Kiyosaki and many others have told us over and over.  I am great at debt stacking and if you are unsure of this reference it simply means:

“By taking into account the interest rate and amount of debt, debt stacking identifies a way for you to pay off your debts. You begin by making consistent payments on all of your debts. The debt that debt stacking suggests that you pay off first is called your target account.
When you pay off the target account, you roll the amount you were paying toward your next target account. As each debt is paid off, you continue this process. Debt stacking allows you to make the same total monthly payment each month toward all of your debt and works best when you do not accrue any new debts.  You continue this process until you have paid off all of your debts. When you finish paying off your debts, you can apply the amount you were paying towards your debt toward creating wealth and financial independence! ( http://www.primerica.com/public/debt-stacking.html)”

   The key is to not accrue any new debt.  Easier said than done so, the mind-set must be there and each person must identify the numero uno reason why they are in debt.  For me, I am an impulse buyer.  If I want it I buy it but instant gratification is not the way to go.  Make your list of needs, not wants before grocery shopping.  Keep a list on the fridge and check your coupons regularly.  The little things will eat you alive and your financial pocket will hemorrhage from those numerous little buys so, #1, write down every penny you spend, and this is not just the big purchases, I mean every penny you spend.  This will make you aware of where your money goes.  On a monthly basis, write down all of your bills.  Divide the monthlys into reoccurring such as rent/mortgage, water, PG&E, etc. then the bills that you are tackling to pay off.  With this pay-off, write down the monthly payment and also the payoff amount.  I am a visual person so I need to see where my financial enemy is and the best strategy to eliminate it.  Two books I recommend reading are, Dave Ramsay's, The Total Money Makeover, and Jean Chatzky's,  The Ten Commandments of Financial Happiness.  And the last thing, be diligent about being on time with payments, even if it is just the minimum.  Late fees will make your bank account and pocket hemorrhage even more and this includes balancing your checkbook so you have no overdraft fees.  Check out your bank to see if they have classes on balancing if your unsure of how to do this.  Your bank can be a great resource.

   So, this is my journey, our journey, the hubby and I.  We are going to commit ourselves to becoming debt free and this is no small or easy task but one well worth the journey, well worth exploring the path because in the end, we will free up money for our future and in the end, we are rewarding ourselves with a trip paid in full with cash, no credit.

Lets talk debt and and where the relief comes in.

I have not blogged in awhile.  Maybe because my journey to find out why I eat to self soothe has been a long drawn out journey.  Sometimes the reason we do things goes much deeper.  This year has been not just a hill to climb but a mountain conquest.  I started a new job almost one year go.   I love my job, my career and I love the possibilities it brings to my life, the incredible possibilities that lye before me.  Now it is my job to lay the groundwork and to learn and teach as I go.  This year we moved into a new home after raising our family for 20 years in the last one.  Our new home brings new memories to fill it with and we feel stronger in this home.
This year brought great loss in my life.  Sitting here now and fully grasping what has been lost is very overwhelming; one of my best friends, Rosanne, who if it were not for her in my life I would never have been on the road I have been on for the last 13 years.  She was an amazing friend and I called her sister.  I loved her very much and I miss her every single day.  I see her daughters and I know she is forever here.
  Just this past April, We lost my father-in-law.  My memories of him are constantly around me.  I see him in my husband and I hear his voice with every joke told by my children.  I miss his hugs and the way he would laugh when he told a joke.  What we learn when we endure tragedy and heartache is up to us.  I know that when I feel the need to tell someone what they mean to me, I tell them.  I tell them because no matter what, people are important.  The ones we care about should be told of their importance in our lives and so I have taken up this philosophy.  Be mindful of your words and and your actions.  They can hurt like a sword.  Forgive every chance you get.  Forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for ourselves.  Negativity eats at the soul and makes a person very bitter.

  With all of this said, I will blog about something I know how to do; get out of debt.  I will share our road with each of you.  This journey is not for the weak at heart, but for the strong minded and strong hearted and each day I pray for the four of us to do what needs to be done.  No eating out, no extra clothes or impulse buys, and no more wasteful spending; time to plug up the holes where money tends to leak out.  Debt can cripple families, destroy couples and defeat the strongest of individuals, so, Chris and I are starting off with a pledge to one another and to our family that we are getting out of debt and we are including our children in this process because we want them to be aware of the debt pits and to not stumble INTO them.  We are starting with credit cards.   We will share how we talk to the credit card companies, how to deal with them, debt stacking, how to travel on a shoe string budget and best of all how it feels when that final payment is paid.

  I hope you join us this little adventure.   It will be a bumpy ride filled with a lot of emotion but in the end you will want to ask yourself, "why didn't I do this sooner?"

  Stay tuned....

Goals set, full speed ahead.

January is off with a bang.  School has started, moving into a new home after 17 years in this one, job is going great, life is looking amazing and I am not freaking out.  I turned 40 this past September and I need to show accomplishments from the last 40 years.  I do not fear my age, I fear my lack of accomplishment.
  I went to a funeral last month of a man who was an amazing part of this community.  Mr. Lollar accomplished so much in his life; people adored him, a wife that loved him, 2 children who loved and admired him, grandchildren who looked up to him and many people and colleagues who admired his life work.  He loved art, sailing, his church home and so much more.  I looked around the beautiful church we sat in and it was full with so many there to celebrate his life.  I felt fortunate to hear about this man and to learn about how he lived.  I truly felt a part of a great celebration of life and it made me stop and ponder what my mark will be on this earth when I am gone.   I did not have the distinct pleasure of meeting Mr. Lollar himself but I do know his daughter and I see the drive in her that must have been in him for so many years.  So, you may ask what this has to do with me?  Well, I want to leave my mark on this world as well.  I want to leave my children with a legacy to look up to, stories that make them laugh out loud when told, people who I have helped, worked with, inspired or taught and people who want to carry on the work I have started. 
  My goals this year sound simple but take a lot of sincere work and dedication on my part.  I want to become more fiscally responsible, I want to lose 10 lbs. a month for the next 12 mos., I want to work with my team to Raise 20% more than was raised last year with United Way, to become a Women's Leader by my 41st birthday, to build my own business, and to run the Tinkerbell 1/2 marathon next Jan. with my daughter and whoever else wants to travel on this journey with us.  I believe that if no one is laughing at these 1 year goals they are not big enough and I need to think bigger. 
  I heard a great line today that I loved and that was how the Japanese celebrate simplicity.  Aimee noticed that when she was in the beautiful country of Japan and I am reminded of that as I pack.  I want to make life easier and for me that is less "stuff" and having a life that is free of junk not needed.  Being able to keep my house clean and organized because I have less "stuff" will allow me to go to bed earlier and have the rest I need to exercise and be more active and alert.  So I put it out there, how will others make their lives easier so that it is possible to go after your dreams and achieve your goals?  How will you decide to lead your life today?  I know that through Christ all things are possible and I know that each of us controls, in a large part, the path we will travel by the choices we make, so with that said, I will learn all that I can about my awesome job to be the best I can be.  I will learn from the people who are there to teach me and I will follow til I can lead.  I will not gripe or complain about my choices and I will see failures as tools on how to succeed which means getting up and doing it again and again til I get it right.  I can't wait to meet new people and become better and better at what I want and I will give back of myself and of my resources to teach others to do the same.
                                              I AM the captain of my destiny.

New Years, the new Me!!

2012 is finally over, not that it was horrible, it was personally a gratifying year but with it also came so much loss.  My family has seen a year of great change and for a woman who hated change, I learned to embrace it rather quickly.  My husband found a job that has allowed him to grow professionally and allows him further growth if he so chooses.  He is a much happier more content man and our marriage and family flourishes because of it.  I started a journey last January that has brought several people into my life both professionally and personally and there has been a lot of fear for me to overcome and I am choosing this year to hit it head on.  I went back into the work place after 16 years to a career that is very gratifying and I can truly say that most days it does not feel like work.  I have met people, lost some wonderful friends that I miss terribly and will carry them in my heart til my last breath and I have bid adue to some friendships because they were toxic to me and my family.  I wrote on my facebook this morning the following:

   "I no longer resolute but rather set my new 1 year goals, realistic goals that is. Some are wildly optimistic and some are mildly simple but all in all, they are mine to achieve and fail at. 2013 brings change abundantly and leaves behind a year of loss. I am the keeper of my dreams and goals, my achievements and failures but the key is to own up to them and humbly acknowledge them. My family is prepared for new beginnings and the release of a long cherished dwelling, so, to this new year, my dear friends and family, I salute 2013 and say, "bring it on, we are ready for you!!"

  I see a bright future full of endless possibility and I know that the only person to stand in the way of success is ME!!  Each and every one of us holds within ourselves the ability to manifest great and wonderful things.  I have my Lord there to help and guide me and sometimes when I am scared out of my wits, I pray for guidance and for the ability to take that very first step of the ledge where a new road awaits but is yet unseen.  My family is leaving this dwelling that we have called home for 17 years and we are moving to a new home, a new location, a new way of life.  We should all strive to be healthier, live cleaner and shine every chance we get because tomorrow is truly a mystery.  

  This year I also choose to be more fiscally responsible and will not try to keep up with the Jones' because they are in more debt than I and that is not the life I want to live.  I want to be more of a role model to my grown son and teenage daughter.  I want them to see that failure is when you DO NOT get back up after falling down and success is standing firm when no one believes in your dreams but you. So, with that said, clean out your closets, throw out the trash, sweep away the cobwebs and push fear to the rear and bid adue to the old year and say hello to the new one.  I challenge you to succeed, I challenge each of you to believe you WILL succeed. 

I am not in Daycare no more, Toto

So, here is my first blog in August.  Not on purpose, I assure you but because since my graduation from KC Network for Children I have been working on a relationship that is beneficial to the next phase in my life.  On Aug. 16th, I went to work for the United Way and am very happy with my decision.  I believe that a lot of my hard work and efforts to build a base and commit to building relationships in this community has laid the ground work to the opportunity of working with the United Way.  Yes, I have a new job and yes we now have another paycheck but like weight gain on your body, there can be weight gain on your finance, and I mean DEBT.  I hate being in debt, but, we are and now that I have a job, I will, we will tackle it with force.
  Debt Stacking 101- 
Debt stacking is not debt consolidation.
Nor is it debt counseling or a debt elimination service.
It is not influenced by your credit score.
Anyone can do it. And... it is free of charge.
But even though it is free of charge... it is an extremely effective and powerful debt elimination strategy.
It can dramatically shorten how long it will take to be rid of all of your debt.
At the same time... the debt stacking process can save you a mountain of money in interest.
I am sure you have heard the phrase... "knowledge is power?"
Well... debt stacking (sometimes called debt snowball) is a tremendous example of that...
a little wisdom that can truly change your financial future
and therefore... change your life.

This info found at the following:

 

 http://www.financial-choices-matter.com/debt-stacking.html

  

 Debt stacking is awesome and I am excited to get to it and plant the flag in the earth and not in the mountain of debt that we are now in.

There are many financial books that will give a good outline for this and financial planners will help you for a fee, but, I can tell you from experience that this way of debt elimination DOES work and will work for anyone who is willing to invest the time and trim the fat from your financial pocket book.

  Financial education is awesome and the more you know, the more you can take care of your financial future.  Please, if you have questions, call me, text me, email me or message me.  I am in this garbage pail of debt and I am getting out of it.

  Happy stacking!!  :)